Fore

As I sit here waiting, with time dragging painfully slow, I opened up Microsoft Word to look for an address. I came across this devotional, written a few days after we received the first unofficial diagnosis of autism for Miguel. Little did I know that even more change and upheaval was soon to surround our lives. I have to smile as I read the date that I wrote it (Sept. 1, 2007), and consider the words. How today, more than ever, they still apply. It is just what I needed to hear as I wait with growing impatience, trying to make life move according to my desires. Maybe this time God was speaking to me - through me.

I have never played golf. And putt-putt doesn’t count. But I remember countless old cartoons and movies and tv shows about the subject. And they always seem to start with the hapless golfer standing on the first tee, yelling “Fore!”, usually before sending the ball careening into the trees (or, in some cases the audience). Classic sports gag? Sure. But maybe also a good idea. As a child watching these shows, I always assumed they were yelling “four”, and wondered why it was always that particular number. Being a curious person, I recently checked it out. It turns out that in days of yore, golfers would yell “fore” as a warning to anyone ‘before’ them, so that they would know the golf ball was coming.

Wouldn’t it be nice if God played golf? As I start this process of dealing with a child with autism, it would have been lovely if He had sent me a heads up. Some sort of warning about the challenges, struggles and heartbreak that lie ahead. I can picture his booming voice coming towards me, alerting me of the rough road ahead.

But maybe He was being intentional. Maybe, just maybe, the life He designed for me is not so much about fitting into my choices and desires, as learning to adapt and trust his choices. Before Miguel was even born, God picked out a verse for him. While pregnant, I opened the Bible, and my hand was resting on my now cherished verse from Jeremiah. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11 It is painted on the wall above his bed. I feel confident that God was speaking directly to me about my son’s life when He led me to that passage. I didn't know what life would bring, but I knew it was a special verse. And today, I still don't know what life will bring, but I know I have a special boy.

So would it have been nice to have received a manual at the hospital when Miguel was born, detailing every step of parenting an Autistic child? You bet! (Hopefully the labor and delivery floor will get right on that!) Until that time comes, the best I can do is read every article I can get my hands on. Talk to every parent who is willing to share their story. And spend every moment possible resting in the comfort of God. I may not have been specifically warned about the golf ball of upheaval that was zooming towards me, but I am not alone as I walk up the fairway, searching for what is lost.

I appreciate the reminder to trust in the Lord. To wait for His timing, because He always seems to know what He is doing. But if He feels so led, I wouldn't say no to a heads up on the Tee Time for this little guy...