The One Where I Get To Thinkin'

In the past few weeks, I have had several conversations with relatively new mothers that really got me thinking. Here is the basic flow of my thoughts:

1. All of the young mothers voiced the same frustrations, expectations and fears that I had when I was cradling my firstborn babe, and had NO idea how to pull off this thing called motherhood. Which makes me think that maybe it wasn't just me who felt that way, that maybe I am not so crazy after all. (hooray!)

2. I am no longer a young mother, in any sense of the word. (rats.)

3. It is SUCH an overwhelming task learning how to balance a newborn, home, friends, work, life. I think that as women, we put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves to be "perfect", and naturally apply this concept to mothering.

4. Maybe it is selective vision, but it seems like all you see when you are hanging by a thread is families that "have it together". The moms who appear to seamlessly balances 13 perfectly behaved children, while purchasing only organic foods at the grocery store, in their spotless and coordinated boutique outfits, before returning to their Southern-Living-photo-shoot-ready home. And therefore hold that up as the image we should ALL be living up to.

5. Hmmmm, I wonder what happened to this month's Southern Living. It doesn't bode well for my weekend reading that I recently saw a stack of collages on Cali's floor, featuring beautifully photographed front porches, magnolias, iced tea and southern "vegetables"... (Not being a young mother, I can safely say that with each child that enters your home, a portion of your memory, focus and concentration *leaves* your home)

6. Having survived the baby stage of raising children, I feel a responsibility to new mamas. Not to teach them all I know. I know nothing. But to help them understand that it takes time to get this whole parenting thing under control. I took me years to be comfortable holding a baby in one arm, while making sandwiches with the other, while answering such burning questions as "Did God make that bread? Did God make that peanut butter? Why not?". As fine as my education from OU is, I did not acquire these skills in any parenting class, book, lecture or article. It took lots and lots of TIME. And even then, it's pretty safe to say that life will be certifiably crazy for the next 18 years or so. I feel a responsibility to help give them a healthy perspective of this new journey they are embarking on, and to help them find a reasonable set of expectations for themselves.

6. But I don't think the new members of the group are getting that message. I think in the throes of sleep deprivation, emotional exhaustion, endless piles of laundry, and pounds of stale cheerios stuck in every imaginable crevice, there is a tendency to think "This seems so easy for everyone else but me. What am I doing wrong???" I certainly felt that way. And to tell the truth, there are many days that I still do. So often, motherhood seems to involve competition. And that often leads to (inadvertent I'm sure...) selective portrayals of life. Which often creates unrealistic expectations on the brand new mom's part. The whole "if my house is a mess, the dishes reach to the ceiling, Curly Sue isn't in a church-worthy and ironed dress with matching hair bow, I haven't showered in 3 days, and the best meal I made all week is a PBandJ - I must not be a good mom" line of thinking. Not good.

7. I had/have this mental image of what I am supposed to be, and since I obviously wasn't living up to it, I couldn't talk about my fears with moms who seemed to be getting it right. I can not express the relief I felt when I finally opened up with people enough to realize that they had the exact same struggles and challenges. Ahhh, what a release to realize it wasn't just me!

8. I have shared enough of my neurosis with people both in person and on this blog to accept that no one is holding me up as a SuperMom template. (thank goodness!) And while I do think it is wonderful and necessary to have role-models, older and wiser women who can offer advice and support and friends who, through trial and error have figured out some good tips - it is so important to remember that none of these people have alter egos, wear super hero costumes under their clothes, or in any way, shape or form deserve their own comic book. Unless it's The Pioneer Woman. She does appear to be SuperWoman.

And Finally, My Conclusions...

One way to help keep this idea fresh in my mind is to periodically share stories of how my journey as a mother, wife and friend is wonderfully imperfect. I personally have no desire to read endless blogs and hear never ending examples of people with charmed lives, where everything is always neat, tidy and well behaved. I want to know that I am not the only one who just cleaned up an entire box of pancake mix from the living room floor, because the children thought it would be a good skating rink. I promise to share no more tales of how I managed to pull the roast out of the oven just in time to serve a perfect dinner to my husband's boss, wearing heels and pearls in my immaculate kitchen, while imparting sage words of wisdom to Wally and the Beav. (wait a minute...) Some people call it "keeping it real", others prefer the term "honest" - me, I get excited by alliteration, so I am going with Mere Mortal Monday. Where once a week, I can share a picture (either literally or verbally) of why my SuperMom cape must have gotten lost in the mail - and why I'm ok with that.

My train of thought began with new moms in mind, but I know I personally feel the same pressures and place the same expectations on my marriage, my Christian growth, artistic levels and pretty much every other facet of myself. Which makes me wonder if maybe you do too.

If you feel inspired to help me try to break this notion that perfection is a healthy goal and want to leave a comment, start your own blog series, send me an email, write a letter, hire a sky writer - I would love that! So stay tuned tomorrow for the introductory MERE MORTAL MONDAY!